December 10, 2012
It came out of nowhere.
As the leaves began to change colors in September, the kids received the news about their father.? It was cancer.
Such diagnoses are typically the beginning of a long, drawn out battle fought on the grounds of chemotherapy and radiation treatment.? In Gene?s case, the battle would not be his to fight.
?My father died of cancer, very quickly, eight days after his diagnosis,? recalls daughter Joan.? ?We all made quick trips to Knoxville, and my brother and sister were still visiting the night he died.?
Too often, the difference that one person makes in another?s life only manifests itself in the face of death.? Gene had taken care of his wife Francis ever since the slow, persistent MS became more and more a daily reality for her over 10 years ago.
His sudden passing poised a question mark over his three adult children, all of whom lived hundreds of miles away from Knoxville.
?Unfortunately,? Joan says, ?none of the three of us lives in easy visiting distance.? We felt we needed someone who could monitor Mom?s health and safety on a regular basis.?
Caregivers like Gene play a vital role for elders with illness, injury or disability.? Aside from providing regular company, caregivers advocate for patients when talking with medical staff and are the point of contact in case of an emergency.
Ideally, a caregiver is someone close to the elder and able to communicate the elder?s wishes and valuable information to the elder.
With her kids far away and no caregiver, Francis would have faced an even more difficult situation.
?It?s really hard to make sure she?s taken care of when we just can?t actually be there,? says daughter Marie.? ?My parents had lived in Knoxville for 45 years, and my mom didn?t want to go live anywhere else.?
One afternoon, Marie was at her parents? home picking zinnias for her mother when a neighbor came up to her and spoke about Elder Advocates, and after a conversation with the siblings, the family contacted Carolyn Neil about becoming an extension of their family.
Because of the long distance, Francis? children use Family Link, a program that provides regular updates from Carolyn and the Elder Advocates staff.
Elder Advocates consulted with Francis? family during transition to the skilled nursing facility, and while Gene?s passing has not been easy on the family, the transition itself could not have gone smoother.
Francis has plugged into her new community, and at least one of her children calls her each day.? Carolyn, too, stops by on a regular basis, not only to provide medical information.
She?s simply there for Francis.
?Carolyn Neil has been incredible.? I can?t imagine trying to manage our mother?s care without her,? says Joan.? ?I feel much better knowing that if Mom has an emergency, she will not have to wait seven hours (at least) for someone to provide her with company, reassurance, and help making decisions.?
Out of respect for the family?s privacy, we have changed the names.
Filed under: Decision Making
Source: http://yourelderadvocates.com/2012/12/life-after-death-a-caregivers-passing-and-a-familys-choice/
natalie wood van halen annalynne mccord billy the kid neville neville george lucas
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